


Light in the Dark

by Izzu



Category: Japanese Drama, Orthros no Inu
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-08
Updated: 2010-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-09 07:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzu/pseuds/Izzu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in between Episode 9's last scene after the flashback from Second Life’s first chapter. It was not an easy feat for Ryosuke to bounce back to his cheerful self after that incident. Prequel to Second Life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shadows/Despair

She was worried. She thought after what she had said yesterday, things would be all right. Then again yesterday, after she told Ryosuke to live and after he kept repeating how sorry he was to his brother; Aoi Ryosuke had fainted again. The man did not regain consciousness for the rest of the day.

She knew it must have been a shock. A great deal of shock. But she never expected it could be this much...

"LET ME GO! HANDS OFF! GET OFF ME, I SAID!"

Nagisa froze as she heard Ryosuke screamed with all his might. She hurried inside as she witnessed two male attendants, nurse and doctor tried to restrain him on his bed. She turned to find Aoi's parents standing not far from her as they watched over their adopted son painfully while Ryosuke continued trashing around.

"Let me go! I don't want to be treated... I don't want—!"

"Ryosuke!" cried the mother as she couldn't help but cry. Her husband held her close beside him to keep her steady. Both parents tried to talk some sense to Ryosuke but he did not even pay attention to it. Then again, Ryosuke himself had been crying...

"Aoi-san..." Nagisa finally spoke as surprisingly, Ryosuke heard her and paused in his actions.

"Hasebe-san! You're here... tell them! Please tell them I don't need this. Tell them—"

"Ryosuke, let the doctors treat you. You're in shock, we understand that," his mother started to say...

"No, you don't—" Ryosuke winced as one of the nurse finally able to insert a needle into his vein and administered general anesthetics to him. He winced. He frowned as he tried to push the nurse as well as the other attendants still holding him away; before noticing that he had started to get drowsy all of the sudden. He cried as he begged them to let him go.

"Let me die! Why can't anyone... he's gone!" Ryosuke's voice grew weaker as the sedative started working. Nagisa couldn't help but felt a stab of pain in her heart as their eyes connected and Ryosuke gave her the most sorrowful look.

"... because of me..." he sobbed again as finally, Ryosuke fell back to unconsciousness. The two attendants who were holding Ryosuke gently lowered him on the bed as they, along with the nurse and doctor; excused themselves.

Ryosuke's adoptive father followed the doctor outside to discuss about Ryosuke's conditions as Nagisa and the mother remained in the room. Ryosuke's adoptive mother walked by Ryosuke's bedside and gently ran her hand over his forehead.

"Poor child. Why did you want to die so much? Did you not care about us anymore, my dear child...?" said the mother sorrowfully as Nagisa walked closer.

"I guess... he finally manage to grasp fully of what happened yesterday..." she said as the other woman turned towards her.

"That... so what's the news now? Have you found Ryosuke's older brother?"

The older woman appeared concerned, despite that she probably only knew about Ryuzaki's relation with Aoi not that long. But then again, she's a mother like her and she should understand how important Ryuzaki was for Aoi. Mothers are like that... aren't they?

Nagisa sighed.

"We haven't found him. Not a body, not even a trace. We don't even know whether he's alive or dead..."

"But earlier... Ryosuke said, he killed him. Ryosuke..." Ryosuke's mother paused again as the thought seemed hard to believe. "I can't believe... Ryosuke even dared to—and he's so remorseful about it..."

"It must be the shock. Aoi-san... must have thought that he did it. There's no telling if Ryuzaki was already dead—and the fact that... the way we've found Aoi earlier—someone could have pulled him out of the water. Perhaps Ryuzaki too... it's too early to tell just yet! I would try my best to look for that man. Even if it took everything that I have—" said Nagisa as Ryosuke's mother nodded to her gratefully.

"Sorry to make you do so much—"

"Ah no!" Nagisa said immediately as she shook her head. "It's no trouble... really. For these few months... I've grown close to both Ryuzaki and your son—there's no way I wouldn't do anything..."

The older woman walked to her and held her hand.

"I understand. I would still like to thank you regardless. For taking care of Ryosuke as well."

Nagisa couldn't say a word. Not sure what hurt her most at the time, the fact that she still could not find Ryuzaki, Aoi's current condition or this plea from a helpless mother who could not do anything to comfort the son that she had for so long considered as her very own. She wondered if she could even set out to accomplish the things she thought she could do then.

She couldn't save Shibata-san last time. If she couldn't find or even save Ryuzaki... what hope can she have to even save Aoi-san?

Could she _even_ save anyone, important to her at all?

xxx

"...aah!"

Nagisa's head dropped suddenly as she was jerked into wakefulness. She shook her head. When did—she glanced around to find herself alone in the room. Okay, not really alone... since Aoi was sleeping beside her.

Aoi...

Aoi's parents most probably went back home already.

Nagisa turned her attention towards Ryosuke. He was still sleeping but fitfully. Nagisa adjusted the blanket placed over his body as she noticed the straps holding Ryosuke's arm to the bedside. His legs too... last she remembered. It was all to stop him from hurting himself the next time he woke up. Thinking about that, Nagisa could not help but feel saddened. It was a first time for her to see Ryosuke being in that kind of state and she supposed the same could be said about his foster parents.

She sighed. Hopefully, things would get better somehow... after this.

It pained her to see Ryosuke like this.

Ah!

Nagisa mentally scolded herself. Since when had she started referring to Aoi by his first name in her mind? She smiled. Never mind... Ryosuke was a good name...

"... brother..."

Nagisa glanced back towards him as she noticed that Ryosuke was crying. She bit her lips.

_From here on, things would not get any easier for sure..._

xxx

As she predicted, things did not get any better since then. Ryosuke's attitude didn't change as much either...

At times, he would start trashing again, or refusing to eat... or started screaming for no reason. Sometimes when he had the chance, he would try to hurt himself or run away... to the point that he had to be kept restrained or sedated most of the time during his stay at the hospital. Nothing... either she or Ryosuke's foster family, or even his visiting former students could do or say would even reach him. To snap him out from this emotional turmoil that he was having.

It saddened her.

At times during her visit, she would accidentally witness the nurses and hospital attendants trying to force Ryosuke to eat because he had adamantly refused to do so. Sometimes, she ended up seeing how Ryosuke choked on his food or ended up vomiting the food out again because of such forceful treatment.

It hurt her.

It hurt her to see him in such pain, yet unable to help him ease the pain away.

It hurt her that she could do nothing... but watch him from the sidelines.

Wonder what kind of emotion would Ryosuke's foster parents be feeling then?

xxx

And then sometime later, all of it stopped.

Not sure if it was because words had finally reached him... or that he's finally giving up the fight due to lack of strength or will, but Ryosuke had finally calmed down. The restraints did not come off though, as the doctors still feared that he would start hurting himself again. But then, she noticed. Ryosuke started to space out more often, staring emptily towards the nearby window—almost looking as if he lost even the will to live.

Nagisa sighed. Today as well, everything was the same. Nothing has changed, Ryosuke was still as lifeless as a living corpse.

Still, she took a chair to sit beside him if just to be there for him.

"So you've come to visit again."

Nagisa almost jumped in shock.

It's been a while, since Ryosuke had spoken a word. At least, since those random times when she heard him screaming at the hospital personnel...

His voice sounded hoarse as well.

"Why are you so quiet? Is it so fun to watch over me like this?"

Ryosuke tilted his head slowly towards her. Nagisa smiled weakly.

"What did you want me to say... Aoi-san?"

Ryosuke looked away, again continued staring towards the window. Nagisa sighed, as she had nothing else to think about, much less to say. They continued on this silence for quite some time before Ryosuke sighed.

"Can you tell them to release these restraints? I promise I won't fight anymore. I'm tired already..."

Without a word, Nagisa removed the straps and restraints on Ryosuke's arms, wrists and body. The legs would come later; it was not that important to do it right away now. Ryosuke turned his head towards her again, puzzled.

"Don't you have to ask  _their_  permissions, first?"

Nagisa shook her head.

"I'll tell them later," she said before looking down, her right hand reaching towards his left hand. She gently lifted it up as she slowly bent herself, kissing the bruised mark on his wrist. Ryosuke stared at her, entranced by the sight as his eyes started to glisten with tears... until it overflowed and streaked past his cheeks.

"Why did you still care about me?" he asked as Nagisa turned her attention towards him, her eyes red as well from tears...

xxx

Two months had passed since; Ryosuke's condition  _seemed_  to have improved. He started to eat properly, not as much as one could hope... but at least it was better than not eating and starving himself. He started to take his medicine, but it was more of the fact that he had no say about it. What did not change though... was the fact that he seldom wanted to talk to people and preferred to be left alone. The occasional times when he did, had mostly been during  _her_  visits to the hospital. Wonder why it had been like that... but she had chosen not to ask about it, after a while. At least he was not fully reclusive of others...

Yet, these few weeks recently, she was not able to visit him because she had been busy with her search for Ryuzaki. Normal people should have given up by now, there was no way that anyone could be found at the dam anymore. But she didn't care. If Ryuzaki was already dead, one of these days... she should be able to find his body. It was not like the lake had piranhas in them...

But if there were still no trace of him, there was that possibility that he is still...

There was no ulterior motive in her decision to keep looking for him. She only wanted to find a definite conclusion to her sorrows. Not just for herself... but for  _him_ as well.

Yet again, it was mostly for him...

Wonder since when she decided on that?

It struck her... when she walked into Ryosuke's hospital room to find him not there. Fear gripped her heart, before she ran to ask the nurses and the doctors in charge. And then she heard it.

Ryosuke had been discharged.

Relief.

She almost thought her heart would have shattered in grief...

xxx

She arrived at his family's house in Hachioji, because his apartment was empty... and she figured that maybe he had stayed with his family for the time being. He did, but she was wrong to have hoped that he did become better. Ryosuke had shut himself inside his room ever since he left the hospital but at least he did not neglect his own well-being.

Nagisa cautiously entered his room, since his foster parents told her that it was all right for her to do so. She glanced around, the room had been so neat but then again it might be because Ryosuke's foster mother had always come here to keep the room tidy.

She looked around the room again, wondering where Ryosuke was. And then she found him, at one corner of the room that was the darkest. She slowly approached him as Ryosuke looked up, sensing her presence. She was about to say something as his voice cut her off.

"Why did you  _still_  looked for  _him_? Stop it. He's dead. There's no point to keep up the pointless hope. It'll hurt you... and it'll hurt me more. Could you please move on with your life?"

"Could you?" she asked back, not even trying to hide her tears or even the sorrow in her voice. So he knew... on why she kept being away these few days. He knew... that both of them were still hurt. Not just him. Could it be the reason why he decided to leave the hospital? Because he couldn't stand it anymore? Is that why—

Nagisa's thoughts stopped at that point as Ryosuke suddenly reached out towards her and embraced her. It startled her but then she heard him sob and his body was shaking hard. She did not ask what was wrong as she hugged him closer; the warmth between their two bodies seemed not that strange. Nagisa smiled bitterly at how fragile Ryosuke had felt in her arms then. She wondered if both of them could ever overcome this sorrow...

Two days later, Nagisa received a call from Ryosuke's foster mother telling her that Ryosuke had went missing.


	2. Light/Hope

Nagisa paused in her steps to gasp for her breath. She glanced up towards the row of buildings around her. Where could he be? Ryosuke's parents had gone to the station to try asking for help, but then again you could not actually make a report of a missing person unless a day had passed—and this was barely a day. Shiho had taken her leave and tried to go looking for her brother around the area of his housing neighbourhood. She had called Shirakawa—luckily today had not been a school day and she had tried looking up her friends to see if they have seen him. But so far... there wasn't any clue as to the whereabouts of one Aoi Ryosuke. Nagisa had even called her subordinates, whom were still searching for Ryuzaki at the dam. Though, it had not appeared that Ryosuke had went to that place...

Where could—Nagisa slapped her head silly. Why hadn't she thought of that place?

Nagisa cursed herself for not taking her car along, but then Chiharu had been using her car at the moment. Well, it was not as if she was wearing heels or something...

She paused in front of the St. Futabazaka Church to see that the place was filled with people again. The church itself was still under restoration, to fix the part of the building that had been destroyed during the explosion. There were still people around. Since the church was the only thing that was damaged; the orphanage as well as the other buildings around the area nearby had not been affected...

Nagisa circled the compounds to look for Ryosuke but it seemed that he was not here as well...

xxx

_"You shouldn't exist in this world. Neither you and I."_

_"My power is different than yours. It's the Devil's Hand."_

It was really like that. But still... why did he continued to live until now? Why was he the only one to have survived everything? His parents had told him before; his real mother had tried to kill herself with him that day before they had taken me away. They also said that they have not seen where his real mother had gone after they had looked away from her at that one instance after she had entrusted him to them. Then, could his real mother have gone to drown herself alone in the lake?

His real father had refused to be healed of his injuries... and he had died. His brother... had  _asked_  him to kill him with his Devil's hand.

Everyone had died. Everyone... because of him. So why was he still alive? Why must he continue living with this curse of the Devil's hand with him?

_"Is that really so? Any human being, in order to make a life shine, is prepared to have an ending with death. If that were the case, in reality that power of yours... might be the God's hand."_

Ryosuke cried. Why did he say that? If his hand was really God's hand and not a Devil's hand... why was it that he couldn't save the only remaining blood relative of his? If this was really God's...

Sure, he had  _saved_  Kumakiri Zenzo's life as well as his son's. In a way... so did Shirakawa and her mother. Even then, it had only been circumstantial. He could not save Pas—his father. If he only knew of that fact earlier...

He could not save his brother... no matter how much he had wanted to do so. He was not strong enough. If he was... both of them would not have fallen into that dam. If they have not fallen, there... his brother would not have asked him to use his powers on him anyway. That time, he thought he would die as well. That was why he had not spared any other thoughts  _not_  to do it.

Yet, he still lived...

_"There's no way for me to atone to my sins..."_

Ryosuke stopped in front of Tatsumi Fumiaki's grave. He collapsed in front of it as he stared blankly at the gravestone.

_"...the only one who could save him.... is you,"_

It was wrong. He did not manage to save his brother...

"You lied. You lied... father!"

xxx

"How do you know for sure of what the truth is or whether it was a lie?"

Ryosuke gasped as he looked up in front of him.

Suddenly he was no longer at the graveyard... but back at the St. Futabazaka Church. His father smiled at him before walking up towards him and kneeled in front of him.

"Why did you push yourself too hard, Ryosuke?"

Ryosuke gasped. Was this a dream... or had he died? His father... was right in front of him, smiling... talking to him. He called his name. His name... the name he had been given with ever since he was born. He thought he had imagined it that last time. But he used to think that he had wanted to hear Pastor Tatsumi say his name aloud again and again. Since that one time. Before he died...

His heart clenched. He never realized how much he had been longing to hear again of his real father's voice...

Calling his name aloud.

As if it had been some buried, deep emotions had suddenly burst out from the very core of his heart.

His father extended his hand towards him as he touched his cheek. Ryosuke cried.

"What's wrong? Ryosuke? Why are you still crying by yourself?"

Tears kept falling one by one but Ryosuke had not bothered to wipe it away.

"I missed you. I missed mother... I missed brother. Why can't I stay here with you?"

The old man smiled weakly. Ryosuke sighed as he felt his father's warmth when he wrapped his arm around his body.

"Silly child. We have never left you, your mother and I. And you still have your other family with you, right? You are not alone, Ryosuke. You are never alone. You'd never be alone... even after we have left this world. Please remember that... and continue to live."

xxx

Nagisa stepped into the graveyard compound as the sky gradually turned dark. She glanced up to the sky as she prayed that it would not start raining just yet.

They have searched almost every possible place imaginable! If there was any other place left, this should be it, she thought frantically as Nagisa walked down the hill towards the place. Sure enough, she found Ryosuke lying motionlessly on Tatsumi Fumiaki's tombstone. She hurried to his side, worried that something bad had happened but let out a relieved sigh as he had only been sleeping.

Sleeping? Here, of all places?

Nagisa hastily shook him awake as Ryosuke opened his eyes. She gasped as she pulled him into an embrace.

"Thank goodness... thank goodness you didn't die!"

"Hasebe... san?"

Nagisa pulled herself away as she glared at him angrily.

"Did you know how worried we have been? Did you know how your mother have cried... worried sick of what could have happened to you? Did you know how Shiho-chan had been going out to every single known place that you used to frequently visit just to find you? Everyone was worried about you! Why did you never tell anyone where you have been?"

Ryosuke stared at her blankly. Concern had been painted all over her face, her voice... her gestures. He could even see it through her words, of how much everyone else had been worried about him.

All of this... because of him...

_"Solitude is the most painful thing. Lonely people sometimes end up hurting others and themselves too."_

His father's words returned into his mind. It was true. He had been lonely. The thought of losing his remaining blood related family, his brother... had blinded himself from everything else that had been equally important to him. He had forgotten about his foster family, his friends... and everyone else that had cared for him all these times...

Without thinking, he had hurt them all as well...

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." Ryosuke started saying as he lowered his head towards the ground.

_"Let's look for the calling that will be yours from now on,"_

_"...and that's one way of atonement."_

"Is it... really possible for me?", Ryosuke suddenly asked as Nagisa frowned at him.

"Is it really okay for me to continue living my life from now on? Could I really be able to bring some good to this world?"

Ryosuke had stared at her, desperate to hear the answer to the questions that kept troubling his thoughts. Nagisa smiled weakly as she nodded her head.

"Of course! Of course, you can. Aoi-san! You're the kindest person that I had ever known in my life. In these few months of torture, from that moment when I had allowed you to meet Ryuzaki; you had always been strong. If it was you... you certainly can do it. If it was you... you certainly can do something good to this world. No matter how small that can be!"

_"... since it's you."_

Ryosuke felt his breath catch as his father's words came back in his mind again. His tears started falling again as he reached out to hold Nagisa's hands. Nagisa also felt her tears flowing, but it was not as if anyone could see. Rain suddenly fell down on them, as both of them remained sitting on the ground; not minding how much had the rain had soaked into the fabric of their clothes. It was only when the cold had started to get to them... that both of them finally stood up and left the place.

Unnoticed by the two, a lone man walked out from his hiding place; not far from them. It appeared that the man had been watching them for a while, keeping himself hidden. He let out a long sigh, not minding the drizzle.

"So now it seemed that I don't have to worry about you anymore, Ryosuke. Take care of yourself." he said softly as he turned towards the opposite direction and leave.

Sensing his presence, Ryosuke turned his head around behind him but he saw no one by then. Thinking that he had only imagined it, he continued walking as Nagisa pulled out her phone to call someone to pick both of them up.

xxx

A month later, Aoi Ryosuke walked into another high school, a boy's one this time. He had finally decided on his calling. The only thing that he knew he could do. The only thing that he knew how to do best. He would return to be the high school teacher that he used to be.

Certainly, his father would have to agree.

This, was his calling.

The only way that he could atone for the lives that he had taken. For the lives that he could not save.

Even his brother would not deny that this was the best choice for him to make.

_Isn't it... Aniki?_


End file.
